Unleashing the Power of Why
30 years ago, as a rookie in the domestic violence (DV) field, I worked at a local shelter and was tasked with reaching out to the DV victims named in police reports. One afternoon, my boss, a strong and stern woman, came over to my desk with a piece of paper. “What is this?” she demanded, holding it out just far enough for me to see my own name listed under the designation of victim. There it was, my secret spilled out in plain ink, in the hands of the person on whom my employment depended. Horrified, I responded like most DV victims who have been “outed” at work: I back-peddled, denied, and made excuses for my abusive boyfriend, minimizing the beating he had given me and lying that “it only happened once”. A DV shelter should have been the most understanding of working environments and yet still, I was afraid to tell the truth. I thought my team would see me as weak or stupid, someone incapable of making good decisions, and a hypocrite who spent the day encouraging women to leave their abusive partners before returning home to my own. Wanting to be seen as a competent employee, I brushed off my boss’s inquiry and miraculously, it worked. She left it alone completely, never delving further, offering me options for assistance, or following up later on. It was as if nothing had ever been revealed and so I remained for the time being a victim, hiding in the shadows.
Recently, I took part in a workshop for women business owners that asked us to consider the “why” of our work, with questions like “Why did you start your business?”, and “Why do you keep at it year after year?”. The answer I arrived at was simple and succinct: “I do this because I know what it’s like to be a working victim of domestic violence and I want employers to know how to help”. That’s what my company Presage Consulting and Training does every day; we educate and advise employers on how to recognize, respond to, and refer victims of DV, develop supportive policies and procedures, and safely assess and manage threats of workplace violence. I created my business because I don’t want other workers to experience what I did, but also because I don’t want employers to walk in the shoes my boss had to wear that day, feeling uncomfortable and concerned but not understanding how to help an abused employee.
Years later, I’ve returned to that moment, altering history to imagine what it would be like if I’d had the courage to speak up. I wonder what would have happened if my boss had been trained in reaching out to abused employees, if she knew how to relieve my discomfort, and had presented me with a menu of helpful resources and remedies. How would that moment be different if I’d worked in a safe, supportive space where disclosure could bring relief instead of humiliation? Perhaps I would have gotten out of the abuse sooner; but then I might never have seen the need which ignited my career and my company, and never discovered the destiny that awaited me. “Why?” can be a powerful question for a business owner, but also for any professional who has dedicated their life to an important line of work. Returning to your initial inspiration and distilling all your efforts down to a single explanatory sentence can energize you to continue, even when the path becomes rocky or you’re uncertain what lies ahead. Your “why” is your purpose, your passion, and your reason for dealing with all the challenges your job can bring. Simply put, your “why” is your everything. So…what is your “Why”?
